Red Skelton jokes about marriage!

Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.

She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays..

We also sleep in separate beds.

Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas ..

I take my wife everywhere.

But she keeps finding her way back..

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary." I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested the kitchen..

We always hold hands.

If I let go, she shops..

She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!

So I bought her an electric chair..

My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was.

She told me, "In the lake."..

She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.

Then the mud fell off..

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"

The driver said, "No, jump in!"..

Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce..

I married Miss Right.

I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'..

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.

I don't like to interrupt her..

The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"

I said, "Dust!"..